


never simple, never easy

by blondeeblackwidow



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Don't Examine This Too Closely, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I think?, I'm just processesing a lot of old emotions of breakups so now im writing them into fics, Kinda, obitine if you wanna squint, oh well', spoilers for season four of TCW tho, this is self fullfillment, whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:54:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23871961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blondeeblackwidow/pseuds/blondeeblackwidow
Summary: you fell in love with obi wan sometime ago, but telling him doesn't go the way you want it to.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Reader, Obi-Wan Kenobi/You, mentioned Obi Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	never simple, never easy

**Author's Note:**

> never a clean break, no one here to save me

“Obi.” you breathed, the air was tense, uncertain. This was never supposed to happen, you weren’t supposed to fall in love with him.

But somewhere along the lines, you did.

Somewhere between held breaths and white lies, the man you admired and somewhat idolized from across senate hearings and war briefings became the only thing your heart had ever wanted.

“We can’t- there’s too much at stake, with the war--” 

“The war is never going to end, Obi.” You huffed. “And even if it does, Obi Wan, are you really going to stand there and tell me that is the only thing that is holding you back?” Tears were threatening to fall as your chin began to shake. “If you do not feel the same that’s fine, but spare me the pain of a soft spoken lie.”

Obi Wan just stared in response. You knew his answer long before he spoke. The nature of your relationship was simple, a romantic rendezvous or two, but it was mostly something to distract, and to pass the time during this wretched war. It was something of convenience, a small luxury that no one could buy and only death would take. Always with a shared understanding that it was only supposed to be in good nature, like two teenagers with quickened hearts under a summer sun. Burning bright and beautiful, but never to last.

But it leads you here, swallowing cries on a balcony far above the Coruscanti nightlife, praying to anyone who would listen that the Jedi Master would love you in return. But all he did was sigh, running a hand through his golden red locks. “This is forbidden.” It was barely a whisper. You wish you had imagined it. “You knew that, we both did.”

_ No. No. No.  _ This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to burst into tears and confessed that he loved you too. But now he was hesitating and that was never a good thing when it came to loving someone. 

“I’m so sorry.” Was all he could manage above the deafening silence. He sighed and began to make the journey to the door. 

“Are you?” You turned away from the night sky and pushed yourself further into the suffocating apartment. “Are you really sorry, Obi Wan?” It was half a snarl and half a broken whisper. The voice of a little girl who just got told that her feelings on the playground weren’t shared. You weren’t a little girl anymore. You were a distinguished senator in the Galactic Senate of the Republic.  _ The heartache hurt the same nonetheless. _

The tears had broken through your eyelids despite your will to keep them there. They felt hot and you were flooded with anger. Anger at him, and anger at the fact that the salty drops were physical proof of the love he had planted, watered and grown, just to leave.

“I will never be able to give you the answer you want.” He was still facing away from you. 

“Tell me the truth.” That was a lie. You didn’t want the truth.

“I made a commitment to the Jedi before I was able to dress myself.” He turned back to face you. “I broke it once, and I will always regret how she was used against me.” He locked eyes. “I will not let you become a pawn in the Dark Side’s game.”

You laughed. Your heart was in pieces, on the floor due to someone who didn’t seem to show it care in the first place. 

“We already are, Obi. We’ve been pawns in a much larger game. But --” You bite your tongue. You wanted to say that you didn’t have to be, that you two could run far from here. But this wasn’t a tale falling on a child's ears by a mother's soft lips. This was life, your cold, hard, brutal life, and he didn’t love you, he loved her.

You knew that wasn’t fair. But it hurt less to blame her. 

“Just go, Obi.” You finally spoke. 

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” 

“No. It’s not what I want, but you just told me you can’t give me what I want.” You spat. “I want you to tell me that you love me too. I want you to make room for me in your life and your mine because I have completely rebuilt mine for you. But seeing as that’s not going to happen, and that is too much to ask of the man I have spent every waking moment thinking about since I met him, and have fallen asleep every night dreaming of his arms around me.” You swallowed, trying to regain composure. “Then I think it’s time for you to be going, General Kenobi.” You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to hold it all in.

“Alright.” Is all he said, as he began gathering what little he had, stopping at the door. “I never meant to imply that I didn’t return your love, I just know how dangerous that path is, and I am not willing to risk your life for it.”

That was worse. That was so much worse.

“Senator.” He bowed his head.

“Master Jedi.” You choked out, and he left.

That night you slept on your couch, your sheets smelling too much like the ghost of a love that was now lost. A casualty to a brutal war that would never be shown proper grief, just swept away and hopefully forgotten.

But both of you knew that wasn’t possible. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, my first ever obi fic that i wrote in my journal at 2:45 and finished by 3:00am. good shit.


End file.
